Remembering
by Val and Lizzie
Summary: Lavender remebers, she remembers everything...


**Remembering**

I remember my first day; the station was filled with students both young and old. Everything seemed so big to my eyes, so overwhelming. However, I strutted, as confidently as I could, towards the train looking back to see my parents waving enthusiastically. Their words of encouragement were overheard by my excitement, but their smiles revealed it all. I couldn't deny how much they loved me and I stepped onto the first step, the first step into a different life.

I remember feeling small compared to everyone, but my confidence never wavered and the I sat in the first compartment I saw, settling my trunk. I fidgeted with the hem of my sundress nervously biting my lips in anxiety, this was all so different, but then two identical girls walked in with long dark hair and about the same age as me.

"Hello, I'm Lavender." I smiled.

"Were Parvati…"

"…And Padma"

"Are you first years?"

"Yes" they chimed in unison.

"So am I" I squealed.

I remember the trip to the school, it seemed never-ending and the picturesque countryside was all we could see out of our window for hours. Until, we made to the Highlands, never-ending green and mountains and from afar we saw the brightly lit Hogwarts castle. The rest seemed to have past in a flash, we were in a boat, in the Great Hall, we saw Harry Potter and there I was, seated at the Gryffindor table along with Parvati separated from her twin, but I could also remember all the bright smiles that I could see, something I would have loved to see in the last year of my life, something so greatly missed.

I remember my second year, I felt suddenly older, at least I wasn't a first year which was a great relief. However, seniority, no matter how slight it was, was the least of my worries. The Chamber of Secrets was reopened, of course, I never felt threatened, but so many others did and with good reasons.

I remember, better moments, Parvati was like a sister to me, something I wished so dearly and that now I had, I had always imagined myself with tons of friends, but Parvati was able to replace all of those, probably meaningless, friendships I could have had.

I remember trying, though, to get all of those friends, but bookworm Hermione was very uncooperative and stuck-up and the other girls had formed a friendship of their own and we just couldn't get along.

I remember being scared, being scared for Hermione, for Ginny, for Harry, even for Colin and that was something I never admitted, I was supposed to be a strong Gryffindor and only Parvati knew that I cried that night and nobody else would ever know… There were lots of things people didn't know about me.

I remember hoping that my third year would be, at least, somewhat normal, but my hopes were greatly diminished as we heard about the escape of Sirius Black. Imagine, my parents wouldn't even let me go shopping alone that summer; I was right pissed, bloody overprotective parents.

I remember the dementors; most people thought only Harry had fainted in the train during our trip to Hogwarts, but they were wrong. I also passed out and I felt a twinge every time I heard Malfoy laugh at him for being scared. It was just another proof that I wasn't a worthy Gryffindor, that's what I thought and for the next two years I was convinced I should have been placed somewhere else.

I remember divination, a discipline I once thought was rubbish, but as I walked into the incensed classroom of Professor her robes swivelling around her and her fake mystical behaviour, I thought it was quite amusing. However, when I found myself actually predicting something, I actually respected the subject and Parvati and I made research after research on divination, something we would have never done otherwise and I smiled in pride when I discovered that Granger wasn't good at something, and as I learned with time, it wasn't the only thing.

I remember my fourth year with both tears and smiles. My love life was actually going somewhere and, honestly, I was thrilled to learn about the Triwizard Tournament.

I remember walking into potions on the first day with Parvati, skirts rolled up, slightly shrunken cardigans and short socks showing our legs and I smiled in triumph as every boy in that class turned around to look at us, jaws dropped and pants seeming infinitely tight. All the things I thought I could do with the simple power of being pretty and, oh, how much I learned that it was a much of an asset as a set-back during later years, making people lose credibility, something the rightfully ticked me off.

I remember learning about Seamus the freckled, sandy-haired boy from my year, I actually thought he liked me for more than looks and that I was right. He was the only boy I ever loved and came very close to falling in love with, but was very glad I didn't, love was such an unclear matter, too complicated.

I remember, however, the butterflies her gave me when he kissed my lips so soflty the only boy who had ever done so. Not all things I remember were happy though…

I remember Cedric's death, death had always seemed so distant, so far away and I never gave it so much thought until then and only god knew that I would give much more thought than healthy for the years to come…

I remember that fifth year was well… a right pain in the arse, is all I could come up with. O.W.L.'s and the stupid toad-faced Umbridge settling her wreath at school were, well, exhausting. I couldn't even think about boys considering the amount of school work I had to do.

I remember feeling that finally I might have a little courage when Harry formed the D.A. and I joined it, albeit being doubtful about You-Know-Who's return. I joined it because it was the right thing to do and how was I supposed to pass my O.W.L.'s in D.A.D.A. with only a theory book? Nearly impossible, even for Granger, and that's saying something.

I remember Fred and George's exit, an act I found amusing, but also incredibly smart and when I came to think about it, I probably would have done the same thing. At that time, though, I didn't think my acts of defiance would be much worse and would have much more consequence…

I remember sixth year, the summer was highlighted by murders, disappearances and catastrophes. Nobody could deny the imminent return of You-Know-Who, I was scared and I didn't complain when my parents didn't want me to go out, so I stayed in and gossiped for hours on end with Parvati.

I remember the sudden changes in everyone's behaviour, they were cautious, doubtful, but, for once, I knew I could be helpful. I knew how to laugh, how to enjoy myself and I made sure that everyone did and that wasn't something you could learn in books and it was something I was very proud of.

I remember the Ron fiasco, who didn't remember that? The most humiliating time of my life when I come to think about it… I couldn't believe that I could be so clingy and annoying. I really should have listened to Parvati about him and should have listened to her when I bought that ghastly necklace. I'm glad I had other much more successful relationships that that one…

I remember seventh, my last year, in every sense you could think about, my last year of school and the last year of my life. I knew I would die though, I knew the moment Neville talked about the suicide mission or whatever fancy name he gave it. I _wanted _to die, I didn't want to live and know I would have to grieve for loved ones lost, for the life they could have had. I didn't regret mine and if my life could spare another, I wouldn't hesitate to give it away.

I remember the time we spent in the room of Requirement; all the people I had just had class with or seen in the hallways were now all soldiers, friends, lovers… Yes, lovers, Seamus and I might have broken it up after fourth year, but I needed a certain warmth during that war, during that time I spent anticipating my death, those moments just took my fear away.

However, before the last moments of my life, I couldn't remember much about those years, they all seemed like such a blur, but when he attacked teeth tearing flesh, blood pooling around my body, flashes, screams… I remembered everything and I thought back with nothing as much as a regret… I just remembered…


End file.
